Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Oh, Viktor, you are very unattraktive sign...

Hullo Komrades

Yes I know I like a whinge about the Stalinist kontrol exerted by the VSP (Viktorian Socialist Party). Yes I tend to carry on about their tendency to force motorists to drive so unfeasibly slow, that it would be faster to walk or wait until someone invents teleporting. Yes, I regularly lament how such road slowness causes a kind of drowsy stupor intended to make people more susceptible to Party brainwashing- such as the propaganda telling us that if we don't drive with our eyes glued to our speedos (NB I'm not talking about the budgie-smuggling kind), several children and their tricycles will be impaled on the bullbar of someone's big, nasty four wheel drive.

But hear me out once more. Now I am convinced the Stalin Government of Viktor-ia simply loves putting signs everywhere.

Dang!! Of all the days to be in a Landcruiser

And of course, I've mentioned once or twice how we're urged that every 5 k's over the speed limit contributes to GLOBAL WARMING (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon Al Gore). Road safety TV ads are Logie-award winning masterpieces using graphic images to tug at the heart strings. Not a trace of evidence, facts, or pragmatism about them of course. That is the modus operandi of the VSP. Their roadside "road safety" signs are a smörgåsbord of catchy-slogan-fests. Like this:

No thanks. I need it to, um, go places and stuff

Yes, it's official. The Viktor-ian Gov just loves signs in general. Here's proof:

I would have taken photos of the sign warning of this sign and the sign warning of that sign warning of this sign, but there was no time

They need little encouraging to drop a speed limit, only the smallest alibi. "Road Works" is one such alibi. For some reason, 100,000 motorists need to slow to walking pace where a bloke was digging a hole 50 metres away some time earlier today, having long since gone. But that's not enough. The VSP have finally realised that their roadwork speed limits need a touch of their feelgood propaganda to explain to us why we must hand our driving brains over to The Party so as not to endanger road workers who aren't actually there. Forcibly obeying laws is not enough for the Viktor-ian Gov. We must also agree with them.

On my daily crawl through Altona, where they're building a new overpass, I've noticed these signs preceding the speed zones:

Real risk? No kidding. There's your problem right there. A roadworks site is no place for kiddies, especially if they're not wearing hi-viz like dad. Granted, a bloke with a shovel needs to be protected from us homicidal motorists. But isn't that all the more reason NOT to let their kids run around in the same area? Are they safer amongst giant earthmoving machines? What feelgood signs will we see if some pre-schooler gets buried under several tonnes of landfill?

Even more disturbingly, I would have thought the VSP would shy away from being gender specific in Party-approved advertising. I suppose it doesn't necessarily imply that "Dad's" partner is a wife. It could be a de-facto or another "Dad", or nobody.

So anyway, after seeing a string of these expensive looking signs showing cheerful-hardworking-roadworker bloke-with-kid as you drive along slower than a snail with heavy shopping, you're well and truly in stupor-land, complete with dribble hanging from your mouth. Then, you are released like a bird, free to resume at a whopping 100km/h, and the final cheerful-hardworking-roadworker-bloke sign appears thus:

Obviously, they would never use correct Imperial English. Apart from the fact that anything Imperial is evil, the whole concept of correct language usage is just a bourgeois ploy to oppress the working class.

If you pay close attention, the progressive socialist values promoted by the VSP are still subtly evident in this series of feelgood advertising: You see, roadworker guy looks like a member of the Village People. And we are to assume his gay de-facto partner works full time, exercising the civil right not to stay home and look after their child. That's why roadworker guy has to bring the little brat to the roadworks site.

But I'm just hypothesizing. Quick, somebody erect a sign to explain to me what's really happening.


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