Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Classifieds for the bored and lonely

Craigslist is the classified advertising website for anarchists, so it has a reputation for producing the weirdest ads and personal notices. Scary washing machine guy would have been right at home here, although probably wouldn't have found a buyer with actual money...

Here's a selection from their current top twenty.

Looking for Bridesmaids fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. ..

Do you have a small, incontinent dog?
Or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don't want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know). Please don't try to put them on a cat. It won't work. Trust me.

Ferocious attack kitten
This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house

Collectable Ralph Nader chair
Yes, that's right. Ralph Nader, perennial Green Party candidate for the U.S. presidency MAY have sat in this very chair! ... It has a nice red, commie upholstery and a sleek black plastic backing. The wheels don't function well, but that is a small price to pay for state control of the means of production.

You hit me with your Prius
Me - Bicyclist, heading to jury duty on 10th Street, Friday at 8:50am.
You - Prius driver, crossing over two lanes, hitting me with your car and speeding away.
I was hoping we could catch up for a cup of coffee, so I could get your views on the environment, and strangle you.


Monday, September 07, 2009

Promote Road Safety: Kill a Rally Driver

Kudos to NSW for saving Rally Australia. It would be a travesty if those WRC cars were lost to our fast, sweeping roads, and an army of Finnish maniacs were denied a decent excuse to visit Down Under.

What do you get with an Australian major event? Well, you get world-class organisation, unrivalled Aussie hospitality, blossoming local economies, beautiful scenery, and of course, the most standard issue...PROTESTERS.

Can I grab a lift? Our Kombi Van collapsed under the weight of placards and hemp...

I'm unsure as to whether they oppose the rally for environmental reasons, road safety reasons, or because there aren't more women drivers.

I'm presuming it wasn't for road safety reasons, since they threw rocks at Rally Drivers. Because as we all know, death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

The delightfully sarcastic (my kinda guy) Tim Blair has more.