Monday, December 12, 2005

There is a God

Yes, I know...me saying "There is a God" is somewhat as predictable as a Porsche owner saying "Really, cars DO still work with the engine in the wrong place". In this case I am using that cliche as a figure of speech to convey the impression of extreme delight in a particular development. If I meant it literally some politically correct left-winger would find my blog and have me charged with religious intolerance for insulting those people who have chosen not to believe in a god, because they passed some handy piece of legislation making it illegal...

...where was I..? Oh yeah, no, what I mean is, how much joy there is to be had in this, the black hole of motorsport off-season. Unless you call Speedway "motorsport". Ugh. Yeah okay, I'm a snob. Get over it.

"What" I hear you all say? (louder, please). How can Patrick possibly have anything positive to say about the three short months in which he cannot sit on his bum all Sunday afternoons watching cars go around in decreasing circles?

Because SBS (of which I have crystal-clear reception, did I mention) have begun screening TOP GEAR, is why!!

I have been hanging out in every possible physical and metaphoric sense for this most creative piece of visual motoring magazine. In fact I have been lobbying networks for years to find a slot for this show. Well, if you call my incessant whining to guys like Phil and Jordy "Gneer, why doesn't anyone show Top Gear" lobbying.




A person on Top Gear standing next to my FAVOURITE car EVER


Monday nights at 7.30pm on SBS you will find the annoyingly funny and very British Jeremy Clarkson and others doing the unenviable job of driving the worlds' most expensive cars as fast as humanly possible. They assess these cars with as much realism as you can fit into something that is entertaining.

Because if there is one thing I have discovered, people like being informed through entertainment. Not information.

Tonight they spent the first 15 minutes trying to work out what was different about the new Porsche 911 from the old one. Most motoring freaks will recognise the humour value in Porsche's total lack of ability to change anything significant with the appearance of their cars.


The ultramodern 1997 Porsche 911


They also put the Chrysler 300C against the Aussie Monaro and Jag 4.2, and despite the predictable British convict gags, they actually liked the Monaro.

Sometime in the next few weeks they will be heading to the Nurburgring for some quality time with Aunty Sabine. That, I gotta see. Apparently, Top Gear spend quite a bit of time at the 'Ring.

Us? Well, after crashing back down to earth following the German thing, we have been busy doing very little. Sharon had an attack of an ailment commonly known as renovationrescueitus and painted half the lounge room in a really interesting colour. But then she got better so it is unfinished now.

Omi has started writing her first best seller. She really is good, very very good, as if anybody is surprised, what with her Atherton pedigree. Naturally her novel is concerned with wildlife and such like. She has ignored my suggestions to have some kind of freemason indocrination or conspiracy theory embedded within the fiction, as seems to be the requirement for a bestseller these days, but she has this crazy idea about preferring to be talented and nice than rich and notorious.

The next Colin Thiele

If it sounds like we're pushing her too much, you may be right, but if you can think of a better way for me to live through my kids then I'd like to hear it.

And, we are doing what 95% of other Australians do after the commencement of summer...we are buying an air conditioner. Yeah, there are some real bargains out there....

At work my star storeman quit. It's quite a blow because he was really good. So good, in fact, that I was becoming lazy. So I had to go through the interview process and so on. The boss and I both found someone we liked. We both agreed, that there was "A good feeling" about him. We put him on, and after 3.5 hours he asked if he could pop out for a cappucino.

That was last week. He still hasn't come back. Was it something I said?

So I went for the other short-listed guy. He owns a Ducati 996 and a Porsche 911, so he can't be all bad. And no, I did not employ him for that reason. I suppose I'd better not mention that his 1997 Porsche 911 looks just like a 1976 Porsche 911, because he might leave for a cappucino and never come back...

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