I missed April fool's day!

I did consider sending out an email announcing that we were moving back to Adelaide, but figured it would be cruel (in so many different ways).

To atone for this, here's a selection of April 1st 2009 pranks. I got them from an international source, with an unsurprisingly large number of them being from Australia:

The Guardian Switches to Twitter

UK's famous daily The Guardian announced it would become "the first newspaper in the world to be published exclusively via Twitter, the sensationally popular social networking service that has transformed online communication". Those goofs at Archie McPhees describe Twitter as "It's like a giant party where nobody can say more than 140 characters at a time". Twitter is like Facebook and MySpace, but more current. For now.

The Guardian also revealed an ongoing project to rewrite its entire news archive in the form of "tweets" (Twitter's style of text messages). Examples included:
"1832 Reform Act gives voting rights to one in five adult males yay!!!"; "OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more"; and "JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?"

Buckingham Palace as a holiday rental

Website Holidaylettings.uk posted the following listing for Buckingham Palace on its site:
This stunning accommodation offers deluxe living in the heart of England's capital city. A gated property with secure parking and armed guards.. Exquisitely furnished with many priceless antiques, royal collections and rare artifacts. 400 people work at the Palace to cater to your every need, including domestic servants, chefs, footmen, cleaners, plumbers, gardeners, chauffeurs, electricians, and two people who look after the 300 clocks.
...and a throne room which is an unusual but popular additional feature.
The owners do reside in the property but are discreet and are available should you require any assistance. They also own other properties throughout the United Kingdom. Please contact them for further details.

It includes "guestbook" testimonials from Tony and Cherie Blair and George Bush and advises people withn allergies that there are corgis.

World's longest National Anthem

UK Tabloid The Sun revealed that during the qualifying match against Ukraine, fans would have to stand for the world's longest national anthem, the six-and-a-half minute version of Oi Ukrainy. Fans caught sitting down during the anthem would be ejected from Wembley stadium. The anthem would be sung by the folk star Furstov Aprylova (think about it). Apparently the anthem's closing line contains a dig at their former rulers: "Kiev, Kiev — there is no such thing as a Chicken Moscow". Yummy!

Aussie Rules G-ball

Google Australia announced it had partnered with the Australian rules football league to develop the G-ball, which contains inbuilt GPS and motion sensor systems to monitor the location, force and torque of each kick. The data is interpreted by a new curvilenear parabolic approximation algorithm. Google can provide users - from amateurs to professional players - with detailed online kicking tips, style suggestions and tutorials based on their gBall kicking data.

Geelong could have done with that in September last year.

Silent Crisps

The Daily Mail revealed that Walkers Crisps had designed noise-free crisps, to be marketed as "Ready Silent Cri-sshhp." They would allow people to "eat loud snacks in the cinema without disturbing the person next to you." The crisp was said to have "the same flavour and crunchiness, except it comes already crushed."

But would the salt and vinegar ones still get you high when you inhale them?

GM and Chrysler ordered out of NASCAR

According to Car and Driver magazine, president Obama ordered that "GM and Chrysler must cease participation in NASCAR at the end of the 2009 season if they hope to receive any additional financial aid from the government. .. corporations must demonstrate they will spend it wisely. Racing has been said to improve on-road technology, but frankly, NASCAR almost flaunts its standing among the lowest-tech forms of motorsport..."

Obama telling the private sector what to do? NASCAR being the lowest-tech form of Motorsport? That one sure had me going...

Free Childcare at Political Offices

An advertisement that appeared on page five of the Australian newspaper claimed that Prime Minister Kevin Rudd had volunteered the use of the electorate offices as a child-minding service: "Each MP's electorate office will today be accepting newborns for a free child minding service. This is another example of Labor's commitment to working families."

Personally I think the kiddies would be safer at an ABC Learning centre, even if they do occasionally get locked in overnight.

Dummies for Climate Change

On March 31 a mannequin was found chained to the doors of a Bank of America branch in Boston. The mannequin wore a sign, "The real dummies evict people & fund climate chaos." A group calling itself Mannequins for Climate Justice took responsibility, saying it was getting a head start on Fossil Fools Day, an initiative to use April 1st as a day to mock and resist the fossil fuel industry.

Mannequins don't have brains. Methinks this creative prank may have backfired.

Ideological Search Engine

Yahoo! unveiled an "ideological search engine". Users could select between the Democratic and Republican ideology. Democratic results displayed in blue. Republican in red.



Apparently the White House was excited and asked for the algorithm, but didn't mention why.


Other pearls include $99 flights to Mars (savings of over $3 trillion- "at this price, you can't afford NOT to go!!"), an invisible car, and Turtle Wax made from free-range Turtles. All this and more at the Museum of Hoaxes.

..until next year, then.

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More topically relevant hilarity from those twits at Archie McPhee's.

Social Networking Explanation Service

Have you given up trying to get your parents to understand your blog, let alone Twitter and Facebook? We're here to help. Hire us, and we'll have a patient ten year old call your parents and explain the intricacies of social networking and micro-blogging to them. Our 10 year olds are selected not only for their knowledge and expertise, but also for their ability to present the information like the kind of polite young ladies and gentlemen that appeal to parents. Plus, they call home every once in a while, which is more than we can say for you. For an extra $100 we can have our operators convince your parents that they shouldn't use any of these services or their identity will be stolen by a cyber-stalker just like they showed on that one 60 Minutes episode. We highly recommend you pay the extra fee. No one wants their parents on Facebook. No one.

By the way, I have a facebook page now.


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We have ways of making you laugh...

Had to share this, a great article on the power of consensus over truth.

Having done a workshop in stand-up comedy shortly before I moved to Victoria, I am familiar with the concept of the "science of laughter". Our comedic instructor, SA funny man (apparently) Dave Flanagan, said that people will laugh at something even if they find it mildly offensive, wrong or just plain un-funny, simply from the mass laughter of others- the will to be amongst the peer group. The power of comedy combined with the power of the groupthink.

Take Good News Week 's recent little tirade against Christians and Christianity. Nothing new there, but the political and social bias of this show is now so overwhelming it's unashamedly declaring "laugh with us or you're not cool". It's not alone.

" Most comedy show audiences probably believe they possess a substantive understanding of the issues of the day...In truth, the live audience sycophants would cheer like trained seals no matter the content. Being on TV or around those that make TV is just - “cool.” Informed content is not required. Check informed opinion at the studio door. Allegiance to what is “hip” is all that is necessary. "

Yep. Include some of the TV viewing audience in that. Apologies to GNW fans, although I doubt GNW's lampooned victims will ever hear an apology from them.

Here's the article expanding on the manipulative power of entertainment, paying particular attention to how it can ruin politicians who probably deserve better, and sometimes save them when they deserve less. (Warning; lengthy)


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Formula One grows a heart

It's funny, as I grow older I think I am becoming a little more aware of the little things in life, like beauty, compassion, concern for what is right rather than just what works.

Although some say I am becoming even more cynical, jaded and brutally conservative. Who the hell knows really?? But a true barometer of my social/personal leanings, can be measured from that yearly religious experience, the Grand Prix.

F1 teckos surrounding by opulence, no doubt discussing the GFC (thats Global Financial Crisis, for those who don't work around many TLA's. That's Three Letter Abbreviations, by the way)

You see, I have managed to shock some people, who rightly say they know me well, by saying that Formula One is a ridiculously indulgent, hideously expensive exercise in hedonism and half the money burned to live out these fantasies could better be spent feeding several small poor countries. Or freeing them from despotic regimes and installing healthy democracies (just in case you were worried I was sounding too progressive and compassionate there).

ha-HA, plebs!! If you want to get on my side of the fence, volunteer and help out. Unfortunately you'll have to give up being drunk, loud and annoying. Think you can handle that? Sure you can...

Indeed, I have even let slip once or twice that I reckon being manipulated by that greedy little Bernie Ecclestone into paying more bazillions and having a"twighlight race" to passify his Euro TV requirements is ludicrous. And, if Melbourne is really losing $40m a year on running it then we should say bye-bye GP, send it over to the Arab Bloc with their oil fortune, good riddance, Bernie and them are made for eachother. I could, believe it or not, live without it.

Button's winning car post race, awaiting weigh-in

But there's still that nagging tinge of respect: I love how humanity can achieve. Expertise, skill, and desire to compete are all good. There's just too much to like about that. And I will volunteer my time to help the event run well, and try and do the job well for the sake of doing it well, not just because I get the best seat in the house (for free).

No this is not Kimi Raikonnen walking on air toward me. Although I suspect if you interviewed this wall mural rather than the real Kimi, you'd solicit a more detailed response.

And occasionally I get rewarded for that. Not by getting to see these engineering masterpieces close up (which I do) or witnessing a cracking race (which I did). Not by getting two free access-most-areas tix which I seem to have trouble giving away (Adelaide peeps, are you listening? Need any more excuses for a trip to Melbourne?)

Nope. The big reward in 2009 was seeing F1 step up and pay tribute to those amazing folks who fought deadly bushfires over a month ago.

Officials' briefing usually consists of senior CAMS boffins telling us all how great we are. AS IF we didn't know.

So even the filthy, indulgent capitalism of F1 has a heart. Even if it is only a V8 Supercar clearing a $50,000 piece of advertising space on their bonnet for a Bushfire appeal notice. Or a bunch of second-string F1 cars and relatively unknown drivers doing runs up and down the main street of fire-ravaged Kinglake. Or an F1 driver's parade on CFA trucks, instead of shiny Corvettes and exotic open-tops.


And, as if humanity's massive outpouring of financial aid to the victims (during a GFC, no less) was not enough. Before the drivers' parade, these superstars of F1 milled around in the background while an army of fire fighting volunteers lined up in front of the grandstands, and guess who got the loudest in applause and cheers. And so it should be. Maybe our indulgent, money-dependent, planet-wrecking humanity ain't so bad after all.

As always, I got some great F1 shots this year. But here are the best ever.

The King Lewis congratulates Kinglake's finest

F1's 2008 oh-so-nearly man, Felipe Massa

Sharon's fave and the nicest guy on the grid, Rubens Barrichello

Webbo

Pole Robert Kubica and Colac.

Mark Webber chats to one of his heroes


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